Some things don't change

HI. I apologize ahead of time if there is any wierdnesses in this post. I cannot seem to post off my computer. Only my phone

Yesterday I watched "Safe Haven" with my family. This is a Nicholas Sparks film. This  man can write wonderful heart felt novels that really make a person think. Things about death, life, cancer, domestic violence and other very serious subjects. Of course you can depend on Mr. Sparks to have a tear or two but and somehow happy.

DANGER.....SPOILER ALERT....IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE MOVIE PLZ ENJOY ANOTHER OF MY POSTS OR SCROLL DOWN TO THE "DANGER SAFE" NOTICE BELOW FOR MORE CONVERSATION.

Safe Haven is no different. This movie starts with seeing a girl running. From what....who knows. Being chased...but by whom....again who knows. Then we find out its a cop who is looking for her. But still no clue why.

Then we see this gal roaming a sea side town. She finds a job at a local fish cafe. Finds a nice home out in the boonies. And meets a nice lady from down the road. At the local grocery....this is a VERY small tourist type place. There is a very nice guy with two kids.

Just so I don't divulge every detail...we will make short list. She is very stand awayish...even to the gal down the road. The people eventually make her friendship. She gets very close with the grocery guy. All the while if flashes back to the first guy, the cop, still vigilantly looking for her.

Then you see it...he makes a poster of her saying she is wanted........for murder?? Well time goes by and her new bf, the grocery guy finds out. She gets scared and plans to run. Tells him she never murdered anyone but hed never understand. She tells off her new friend. Telling her she's (the friend) stuck and knows it.

Of course just as she's leaving the bf comes and days sorry plz stay and hell help her. She tries to talk him out of it but he persists and says I love u. So she goes back to him and his home.

Then we flash back to the cop. He's getting fired for putting out the apb on her. That she never murdered anyone. She's his wife. In comes huge flashback to her life. Her making a pie. Him coming home and they fight. He is very angry. He is very abusive. He almost kills her. But she stabbed him which giveaway just enough time to get away. She goes to the lady across the street. She knows what has happened. She helps her cut her hair. Bleach her hair. Gives her some things and the girl runs.

This now x cop gets drunk and angry as hell. He goes looking for her. he has a phone number which gives him a town. He drinks a lot the whole way. It's 4th of July. The fireworks are going off over the bay. He finds her, they talk. They argue...I'm not giving off then end... But its Nicholas Sparks....but u can guess the end .... But if u don't know then u hqvmt seen it. And you should now be reading this!!!!

SPOILER ALERT DANGER OVER.....now on to my next subject surrounding this movie.

As I was watching this movie I had one of the hugest flashbacks to my own life.
I had that exact same life once.
That exact same fear.
Fear of men.
Fear of freedom.
Fear for my life.
I can  remember that exact same arguement. Many times. Always ending bad...for me. Except twice. I had friends who didn't let it happen. Once a friend honestly saved my life. I will always hold a spot in my heart for that.

I did as all abused women did. I made excuses. I blamed my self. I blamed his life making him drink. Do drugs... If I could make his life perfect he wouldn't get angry. He wouldn't hurt me.

He swore he never abused me. Cuz he never hit me. Just once....but that was different. I have to agree. I had plates thrown at me. I was tossed out of a moving truck...more than once. I had wood thrown at me. I was pinned to so many walls I don't remember. Usually with a forarm to the throat as he was screaming.  I was ran over by a four wheeler. I was "loved" whenever he wanted. However he wanted...sometimes to who he wanted. He said no other man would ever put up with me. He said he only married once...I needed to remember that. There was only one way out of it.  But he only hit me once.

The pain. The cuts. The bruising. The sicknesses. All had a reason, a story. I had no excuse for my actions. Anyone who knows me knows I can handle myself quite well. I may not have been able to seriously beat him ......but.  It was only one night in one of my high, drunken stupors I stood up to him. I hit him....hard.
Then I ran. I had some amazing friends who took me in. Who forced him to not be near me. Who paid no attention to the threats. I waited with these friends till he went hunting. I was to get my head on "right" by the time he got home. It was my "last chance" ...I was to remember, if I was not his I would never be anyone else's.
I ran......I ran home...to my friends...who I should of let help me before...but were happy I was ok.

They didn't know....i'd never be "ok" ...again.

Is it ingrained in men's heads how to act? What to say? Every time I see abuse its the same. The same actions. The same words.

I am with a man who ...I don't think would ever act like that. But...I hope I will never know...I have seen similar anger. But never towards me. I am his world. He is mine. That scares me as much as much as it embraces me.
I do hold hope. After 18 years ...I do hold hope. I do have scars Tho. Some may remain indefinitely. Some I believe....still.

Women....please...if any of this sounded familiar .... Act... It really is not you...its not ok... There are people who can help. Please.